Dear dad....

You are here, but you have found your own way.

On this day, I wish you nothing but happiness.
May you find what you are looking for...

54

Love = Oxygen

You get too high when you get too much, you will die if you don't get enough.

(I heard that pride always comes before a fall.)

Very well then, I'm dying.

The highway, the pariah and the road user....

My journey going back to my hometown last Saturday through the North-South Highway was not a joyride at all, despite the excitement that I had in me to see my new born niece. The fact that I left Ampang at 5pm made it worst as I had to drive like a hurricane to be at my mother's home just in time to break fast with her. Poor time management, I must say. And, wisely thought a bad idea, it was not a smooth ride heading to Seremban as I was trapped in almost one hour bumper to bumper crawling traffic as upgrading works were in place.

Man, I was so damn pissed off! I mean, it has been speculated for weeks and later confirmed by the pariah (execuse me for my language) that for next year the toll rate is going to be increased and man, look what sort of bad traffic condition they provide to the highway users! Shouldn't the pariah and Government consider the fact that every single thing in this country particularly and the whole world generally has been rising while the condition of their subject matters has been declining from one day to the next? And why on earth, at this very moment must they do the repairing works? Why do they have to constantly upgrading the highway and pass the bill to the users with increment every now and then? Why can't they do it right at the very first time? Why do they have to make my life particularly and the other highway users generally, difficult?

I, for one, am so tired with all these stupid reasons by the (ir)responsible, cocky, greedy pariah that the rise would take into account the hardship the people is going through right now and that the Government cannot afford to compensate the highway concession firm if we were to opt for not having a toll rate rise. What a lame reason! I mean, the same reasons have been used over and over again to rationalize the hike. Being the so-called powerful government,I am very much fascinated that it is powerless when it comes to this one particular matter. Why can't the Government use its power to review the agreement with the firm? It makes me wonder which party does the Government represents; the people's or the private entity's interests?

The main reason why we use the highway is for the convenience - time saving, smooth, jamless traffic. So we don't mind to pay. But why must we pay if we caught up in the crawling traffic? That is so irritating! And here, I have yet to touch on the federal roads, which is even worst! People from the remote part of Negri (which I came from) have been waiting forever to get a proper route instead of the winding, narrow road along Bukit Putus.

So, as the result, I reached my mother's home 10 minutes after Maghrib, feeling so stressful. A supposed to be an hour and a half journey ended up as two and a half hour stressful, mad affair!

Must I share my experience heading back to KL later on Sunday....?

Close my eyes

Now, if I close my eyes and take a moment and drift away, I can almost feel your lips against mine.

But now it's just too late. I can't reach you, we've drifted out too far. I don't know where has love gone or how we might have saved it, but all I know is it has gone.

It's time that we moved on, because it's too late.

That night (Sept 23)...

I saw you at the party. You were so warm but I was so cold. I secretly wished you wouldn't say 'hi' to me but you did.

"Nice to see you again, after such a long time."

-Yeah, whatever!-

You are my miracle....

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open..wide open

October 5, 2006

All I want is to be free....

All this while in my whole life I have been following signs on many routes, trying to find what is right and do what I have been told. But sometimes the line is crossed and I can never go back home. I am always on the go, been here and there looking for something more for me to call my own. But up to this moment I have found that life was cold as a whole, I have never belonged. I want to show to the rest of the world that I'm alive, to be free because a new day is dawning, and to live my life without worries and warning. I really want to know and see what it is like on the other side. I only want to be me; I am not what I am not; I don't need people to say I need changes.

I have been through a lot. Now it is time for me to search what love is all about for real, and all that I have lived without.

I am a sturdy tree

I have seen a thousand seasons, still shed my leaves in winter. Come spring I grow them back, to welcome life again, to welcome new love.

When the day that's gray and lonely I just stick out my chin and smile. Come what may,the sun will come out tomorrow.

What a journey it has been. So goes my life.

As The End Draws Near

Into the valleys
The shadow of death griefs silently across the darkened sea
This is it, we stand alone

We can see it all from here
The starless night across the mountain side
No one left to talk to, there's nothing left to say

You and me
We stand alone
We can see it all from here
Stretched far and wide

The barren skies fighting a silence from deep inside

Underneath this skin you will find someone else...

I walk into that cloud again, watching my moon and blue sun slip away. The sky has fallen on my yesterday and I have once again lost myself. The table has turned on the game I play and this poor little man has lost his way today.

With the hollow, all this time it's breaking me and taken it's toll on me. I'm sorry that all I have got is just not enough to keep me satisfied. No matter how we try to keep it tied, this knot has come undone.

But starting today I'm not going to worry about yesterday and tomorrow, I'm not going to waste another moment. I'll wash away all these tears that's left me feeling blue. The moments of truth unfold in the meaning of love. And now that the war is over, I feel like I'm coming home again.

"Oh well, I got nothing left to sell
This love was a bell that rang unheard in the air
I was bound to find out that you didn't care
Oh well, sometimes it be that way"