Back to where I belong....

I feel safe (but not so good though) now.

Still throwing up but feeling a little okay than this afternoon. Changed my mind not to check-in to hospital, so I packed my stuff and drove back to KP straight away. In my mind, if I was to die, let me die in my mother's arm.

Usually it takes me almost one and a half hour to reach home but today, I set the record of 4 hours. Had to pull over and do away with the vomiting business.

Forget about work tomorrow. I need to rest (in peace).

I am ill...

Went to work this morning only to inform my boss how ill I am. While in her room, I threw up. Sorry, boss!

I could not stand the pain any longer, so I went home right away. I took some aspirins, tried to sleep but every 3 minutes or so, I threw up again. Up till now.

I am sick, and I am so exhausted from the vomiting. All these pain and vomitings reminded me of the late Zamri.

I really have no idea of how my body system works now. (There's no one around now) I am scared, what if...

Ni hao, Beijing?

Off to KLIA by 9 a.m, I was so kelam kabut taking the LRT then ERL yesterday morning; the result of last minute packing and also SOS text to my brother asking him to lend me his high resolution, canggih camera. I am not really a last minute person when it comes to travelling, but since I was not looking forward for this one trip, I took my own sweet time which later turned out to be absolute chaotic.

Anyway, on the ERL, I saw and sat opposite (not directly, I hid behind a seat) someone whom I knew from somewhere. I have his number but it was not vice versa. Lucky that he didn't see me, I set my mobile on silent mode and sent him a sms " Fuad, tie up your shoe lace!" He was so gelabah, looked around, tied up his shoe lace and replied "Done. Thanks. Who's there anyway?" I smiled alone (I was in fact alone) reading it but decided not to reply. He kept on sending "Who's there? Please, tell me your name, don't do this to me...". Then he sent me, "Is that you, wearing white T and blue jeans, reading a book?" Oooppsss, kantoi! Still I did not reply. But then he sent another sms, "If that is you, well, you're kinda cute!" I ignored him right away. He disembarked at Putrajaya. Before leaving the train he looked at me and I gave him a "what??" look. Well, that was that.

I boarded Cathay Pacific. The flight to Hong Kong was smooth (thank God) although it was cold there when I arrived. Less than 2 hours transit actually left me no time to wandering around. But the next time when people ask I can tell them that "Hey, I've been in Hong Kong (International Airport only)!" Heard that it was easy to get porn magazines there, but maybe later.

The next 3 hours journey to Beijing was a drama of air turbulance and I swear it was damn scary. All the way everyone was screaming to the top (including me), some even cried (excluding me). I was so scared to death that we might explode, plunge into the sea, on the desert, or even skid while landing. 3 Chinese girls sitting right behind me threw up and the whole cabin was smelly with, well, yeah, of course! I swear will never board Dragon Air (China's version of Air Asia) ever again! I think it was because of the name itself, that only selected ones can carry "dragon". Keramat, as they say and believe. However, the steward who dropped the hot meal on my lap was cute and I now would love to believe that he indeed did it on purpose, not by accident (plane tak bergoncang pun masa tu, ya...!).

Touched down almost 10 minutes to midnight, Beijing Capital International Airport was opened right on time for the Olympic 2008, so it was of course new, clean and beautiful inside out. Setting my feet on its land for the first time, Beijing was so damn cold and windy. Anyways, I couldn't be bothered (yet) with the weather, since the flight was a scary and terrible one, and I was extremely exhausted. Off to hotel, no shower and all, I immediately rested my head on the pillow and at no time fell asleep right away.

To mak, Happy Birthday! I love you more than anything, anyone.

From Beijing with love.

I just died in your arms tonight...

Matthew Heller

Autumn (Habitually Chic)....

Why did summer go so quickly
Was it something that I said
Lovers walking along the shore
Leave their footprints in the sand
Was the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand
Pictures hanging in a hallway
And a fragment of this song
Half remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair

Windmills of Your Mind

That dawn I became incredibly emotional....

Debbie, Ron, Imran & Arez....



...for being there...

p/s - Deb, forget not, you must be there till the very last sermon.

It's ok, that is life after all...

As much as I wanted to engrave this in my troubled mind, I still can't get over the pain, the sorrow that I myself allowed to drown into. Or worst, I refuse to get over it and move on. Yeah,there's a truth in it. Denying the truth and refuse to accept the reality,that things change, people change. Hearts do too.

Am I supposed to pretend that I don't feel the pain? When will I be free from this sorrow?

Maybe one day I will fall in love again,
but for now I'll just leave my heart in two...

A lonely silhouette dancing beneath the stars....

To'cha mai geti...

I live in the present, worry not about tomorrow.
Launch myself on every wave, try to find eternity in every moment.

But still I failed.

Aiyo...tekanan betullah!
Gi mandi bungalah hari ni!

Home Sweet Home - Part 2: Masculinity - the future bedroom?

I went to a home decor exhibition about 2 months ago (actually it was part of my stress therapy accompanied by my good friend Roni) and accidentally found a wallpaper which exactly matches the one that I had in my mind for ages.

Dying-ly, I have been wanting at least one wooden wall in my house, and I actually have planned to fix very dark brown laminated flooring on my bedroom wall to achieve that sense of masculinity (as shown, cantik tak?).

So, I paid RM50 as a deposit for the package, which I learned later from the salesgirl, would cost me about RM700 for a 10' x 12' wall including labor fee. I am not sure on whether wallpaper is much cheaper than laminated flooring to fix a wall, but all I know is I need another RM800 to buy a new queen-sized mattress and an unknown sum of money to build a platform to achieve the look I have been dreaming of.

Alah...! Looks like I have to cut down my expenses on "designer stuff"...! Bencilah!


Photo taken from Apartment Therapy.
(nama very the ironic!)

Home Sweet Home - Part 1: It's so Carrie (well,not quite)...!

Love it! I must have that bookshelf in my house soon (fingers crossed). I do think it carries Carrie's Manhattan old apartment look - cozy, spontaneous, casual, and quite fun too.

While she had a bench to complete the look, I might opt for the armchair as shown. If I can get the same armchair (for free hopefully, else I expect to find one in a junk store), I would repaint its frame shiny black and re-upholster with bold, funky fabric, to give it more pop, over-the-top new look.

That, if I can save the apartment...
(Bastard!)


Anyway, thanks to Nicole Balch (makingitlovely.com) for the inspiration.

Mengapa harus terjadi....

Mengapa semua ini harus terjadi
Di saat ku teguh pada pendirian
Menghabiskan sisa hidup denganmu
Kau tak lagi yang kuingin bersamaku selamanya...kasih

Tuhan tolong aku
Untuk dapat memahami derita batinku ini
Tuhan bantu aku
Agar sanggup kurelakan bila dia bukan untukku

Segenap rencana denganmu kekasih
Tak mungkin terjadi tanpa kehangatanmu
Kini bagai orang asing di hidupku
Tiada lagi sapa rindu kurasa darimu...kasih

(Bencilah....!)

Pulanglah....

Termenung ku sendiri
Memendam rindu tidak menentu
Kasih suci murni yang kita bina
Hapus hancur oleh kata fitnah

Di pagi hari raya
Hati sayu mengenang dirimu
Mudahnya kau menggantikan diriku
Seolah cintaku tak berharga

Apakah suratan, aidil fitri suatu titik akhir
Sekian lama bercinta, kau tiada di hari mulia

Keampunan ku pohon
Sekiranya aku yang berdosa
Pulanglah ku merinduimu sayang
Ku menanti dengan hati rela

Pulanglah kumerinduimu sayang
Ku menanti dengan jiwa raga

Pulanglah ke pangkuanku oh sayang
Ku menunggumu di hari raya...

Damn it!

Why did you have to be a heartbreaker,
when I was be-ing what you want me to be...


(Nothing's left for you but hate and deepest regret - and that's the truth!)

W Mag