Sometimes my heart goes numb...(2)

How did I allow myself to forget that time does run fast...?

It was already expected when he conveyed me the bad news this morning (and by now there is nothing in this world surprises me anymore), but somehow I being so used to living in denial all these years, still felt extremely 'betrayed' and brokenhearted. I know the day like this will come sooner or later, whether I want it or not, as it is just a matter of time. And today it finally crossed its way into mine (surprise, surprise!). Guess my next step is to prepare for the next possibility, on whether I'm going to survive or succumb to it.

Im & Rez, thank you loads for the much needed time you both provided me today. It was such a relief...really!


"Walking Away"

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

Demi belas kasihMu....

Sakit itu rahmat. Sengaja diuji Tuhan, moga-moga disucikanNya segala dosa yang lalu.

Lalu kalau inilah rahmat dan belas kasih sayangMu untuk diriku, maka redhalah aku dengan ujianMu yang berat ini. Moga-moga tak Kau gelapkan pandanganku selama Engkau izinkan aku menggagahi diri dalam melawannya.

Aku bukan orang yang kuat. Tetapi bukan pula aku cepat sangat berputus asa. Ah...Kau yang lebih tahu.

Dalam saat-saat getir ini aku sendirian, aku tak punya sesiapa pun wahai Tuhan. Maka itu Kau bantulah aku, berilah aku kekuatan. Hadirlah Engkau di setiap saat nafas yang Kau izinkan aku hela (agar perasaan yang menggila ini pergi jauh-jauh).

Andai ini penghujungnya? Tutuplah mataku bila lengkap sudah kasih sayangMu. Putuskan nafasku bila telah yakin Engkau akan diriku. Kalau belum, jangan. Itu rayuanku. (Bukankah Engkau Tuhan yang Maha Pemurah?)

Detik ini, demi belas kasihMu untuk diriku, gugurkanlah seksaanMu yang ini. Aku takut tak tertanggung, ya Tuhan. Kasihanilah aku....

(Sakit juga memberi peluang untuk melihat di mana letaknya diri ini. Tak bertempat rupa-rupanya aku ini....)
Tuhan, mungkin ada baiknya kalau Engkau kurniakan aku amnesia....tak tinggal walau secebis pun ingatan yang selalu melukakan. Amin.

P A I N

...jauhilah aku...

(janji takkan datang lagi)

Oh what a fool I am...

That was just a plain old fantasy.

I've been used and fooled again. When will ever I learn?