Damn, why is it too difficult for me to just tell him that I missed him a lot?
Why couldn't I bring myself to tell him that I'm falling in love with him?
Why am I so afraid to open this door and love again?
Why??
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Is this love....?
It has been oh-so-chaotic period of my life so far. I've lost control a part of it and couldn't find ways to regain it, or to solve, or even to escape. I try to worry less, hence ignore them, live on daily basis and hope that soon I could collect them and build it up again from the pieces. Only that I do not know when it would be materialized.
In those rainy days however I stumbled upon a line of rainbow in the sky...
I saw him, attracted to him quickly. And I quickly drew a line between me and him, for fearing I would fall so deep I couldn't climb up and save myself from another misery. But he was so wittingly charming I cannot simply pull myself away. So I pretended to be cool and cold, as if I didn't care.
Is this real? No idea. But he made myself confused. And I just cannot afford another heartbreak, not at this point of time, at least. He uttered things I have been longing and wanting to hear from someone I could call my own special one. But I do not know how sincere he is. Or is this just a game he play to get me, after which he would leave?
'Let's just stick to this, no feelings involved'. Agreed. After which he confessed, 'Too late, I fell for you already'. Oh dear, oh dear....
I am too scared to express myself, I just couldn't bring myself to even admit that I am too wanting the same thing. I wanted to tell him how much I have been thinking about him. But it was just too difficult for me. I just can't. What if I changed my mind later. What if he found me a huge mistake later. I don't want to mislead anyone of us. I need to be sure.
Perhaps I should just wait until the rain stops. Then I can ask him out for coffee and watch the rainbow slowly fades into the red sky and turn into night. And in the darkness with only stars brightly sparkling, we would lay side by side, perhaps holding each other's hands, I would confess to him of how much he has been dominating my crowded mind despite my efforts to push him away, of how much I have been missing him despite my constant denying of my own feelings, of how badly I wanted to see him and be in his arms, of how passionately I wanted to make love to him...
'I do not want to share you with anyone else'. So do I (are you sure that is exactly what you want, no regrets?). Such a powerful line that conquered my whole self that made me wanted to give up everything I have. Such a passionate love making that has long lost from my night diary.
I clearly remember the first time we kissed; there we were, left alone in the living room sitting on the red-maroon couch testing our 20cents-worth that led to a 40cents-worth kisses that I wished would not end so soon. My heart was beating in a strange rhythm the moment our lips met, thrilled by the moment and the prospect that we would get caught by anyone in the house, overwhelmed with emotion and desire to touch the very smooth skin of his body. I glued that very moment in my head, not wanting it to vanish ever.
Oh God, you blessed me well on that May 3rd... If this is love, please don't let it ends. Just show me the way to tell him that I'm in love.
In those rainy days however I stumbled upon a line of rainbow in the sky...
I saw him, attracted to him quickly. And I quickly drew a line between me and him, for fearing I would fall so deep I couldn't climb up and save myself from another misery. But he was so wittingly charming I cannot simply pull myself away. So I pretended to be cool and cold, as if I didn't care.
Is this real? No idea. But he made myself confused. And I just cannot afford another heartbreak, not at this point of time, at least. He uttered things I have been longing and wanting to hear from someone I could call my own special one. But I do not know how sincere he is. Or is this just a game he play to get me, after which he would leave?
'Let's just stick to this, no feelings involved'. Agreed. After which he confessed, 'Too late, I fell for you already'. Oh dear, oh dear....
I am too scared to express myself, I just couldn't bring myself to even admit that I am too wanting the same thing. I wanted to tell him how much I have been thinking about him. But it was just too difficult for me. I just can't. What if I changed my mind later. What if he found me a huge mistake later. I don't want to mislead anyone of us. I need to be sure.
Perhaps I should just wait until the rain stops. Then I can ask him out for coffee and watch the rainbow slowly fades into the red sky and turn into night. And in the darkness with only stars brightly sparkling, we would lay side by side, perhaps holding each other's hands, I would confess to him of how much he has been dominating my crowded mind despite my efforts to push him away, of how much I have been missing him despite my constant denying of my own feelings, of how badly I wanted to see him and be in his arms, of how passionately I wanted to make love to him...
'I do not want to share you with anyone else'. So do I (are you sure that is exactly what you want, no regrets?). Such a powerful line that conquered my whole self that made me wanted to give up everything I have. Such a passionate love making that has long lost from my night diary.
I clearly remember the first time we kissed; there we were, left alone in the living room sitting on the red-maroon couch testing our 20cents-worth that led to a 40cents-worth kisses that I wished would not end so soon. My heart was beating in a strange rhythm the moment our lips met, thrilled by the moment and the prospect that we would get caught by anyone in the house, overwhelmed with emotion and desire to touch the very smooth skin of his body. I glued that very moment in my head, not wanting it to vanish ever.
Oh God, you blessed me well on that May 3rd... If this is love, please don't let it ends. Just show me the way to tell him that I'm in love.
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