It's been a while....

Indeed.

So many things happened in these few days.Some changes had took place, some part of me still remain intact.I chose them.And I'm still alive, safe and sound.

There are lots of things to say and tell.But perhaps something special should remain untold.

Most of all,I've found you.And I treasure you.The best that I could,as I promised.

"Be mine....(this time for good)"
"Yes...."

And I love you so!

It's the end...

I hate you for the good things that you did to me.
I hate you for the sweet things that you said to me.
I hate you for the fact that you hurt me to the bottom.
I hate you for telling lies to my face about you sharing the same feeling with me.

I hate you for everything that you did to me.
I hate you for it's over now.

I used to love you, but now I don't anymore.

I now hate you. Really!

It's confusing....! Why are you doing this to me?

Z, Z marah sangat dekat A? Benci sangat dengan A?
No I don't (I missed you loads).
Then? Z,you didn't even look at me.
It doesn't matter.You have loads of other people looking at you (in the club and you enjoy the attention people gave to you).
I don't know them. But I know you. That does matter to me.
Why are you doing this (sweet talking)...?
Doing what? I'm trying to be your friend. Don't you feel weird when you knew someone,spent your time together with him,went dinner together with him,looking at him when he sleep, then jumpa buat tak tau?
I thought that meant nothing to you. I thought that's what you do to other people too. Forgive me, but I thought you misled me into believing something I shouldn't even think of in the first place. How stupid I am! (I thought I heard you said that you love me!)
I'm sorry if I've misled you, but that is not my intention. And stop judging me based on your anger.
(Oh, so now I'm being judgmental...? And what was your intention? What did those hugs and kisses meant to you?) So what do you want me to do now?
I just want you to stop hating me, accept me as your friend at least.
If you only knew how much pain you have caused me, then perhaps you will understand why I can't even look at you. I still love you and I can't hate you, but damage has been done, heart has been broken. I wish we didn't go this far but we did. It shouldn't be this way, and I regret it (to know you and ending it up like this. You gave me hope and yet you hurt me...).

-Don't be afraid to love again. Don't let the past rule your future. One might not understand you unless you share. What is life without love?-

It's him....

He has no idea of what I have been through...of how much hurt he had caused me...of my struggling in life to move on without him...of how hard I try not to have him rule my every day...of as hard as I try to forget him, I still can't.

He has no idea that I do not know how to trust people anymore...that I do not know how to love anymore...that I do not know how to hate him so that I can move on...that I am tired of trying.

He has no idea of how afraid I am to love again.

He absolutely has no idea. At all.

And I am in total despair, because of him.
Does he know that?
No, of course he does not.