I will always remember him as someone young, energetic, fun and definitely fabulous.
Unfortunately, he left us all behind, his beloved friends & family, too soon.
Nevertheless, I thank him for being part of our lives, whether he was a reason, a season or a lifetime. May he rest in peace, knowing that he left so many wonderful memories in each and everyone of us. His joy and laughter will always be remembered.
He was a fighter till the end.
Dear God, thank you for blessing us with a dear & lovely friend Suffian. Now that You have taken him away, bless his soul and let him rest in peace. It was a tough farewell, but You gave him the honor to surrender in Your arm in the holy month of Ramadhan.
"Aku sayang kau, Zam. Aku sayang semua kawan-kawan aku."
Hey, kenapa cakap macam tu pulak? Tak baik...
"Aku takut tak sempat nak cakap."
Be strong, okay. You must fight. Get well soon. Nanti kita boleh pergi holiday sama-sama lagi. Janji tau!
"Insya-Allah, kalau ada umur."
(And the love of The Almighty is much, much greater than us all...)
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pyan was diagnosed with colon cancer stage 3, not long after we came back from holiday in Jogjakarta last February. He immediately went for surgery and followed by chemotherapy, which unfortunately his body had rejected. Meanwhile, the cancer had spread rapidly, but he did not give up hope. While being treated in Mount Elizabeth Hospital, Singapore, he collapsed in the bathroom, went into coma and never regain conscious until his last breath. He was laid in Tanah Perkuburan Ibukota, Gombak.
(And I secretly wished it was me....)
I am so done with crying, there's no more tears left to shed as I am led closer to the day my life as a rightful human being will be taken away.
I did mistakes. Some are still repeated (those are my favorite mistakes), some are learned, but there's one or two deeply regretted. For that I am now about to lose my rights, dignity and everything I have worked for.
Standing among peers and others, I am the most unfortunate lot. In every sense. I learned my lessons through a different and hardest way. My life has been a winding, bumpy road in every possible ways even when I thought I was doing okay.
I now no longer know how to be grateful that I am still here living and breathing when I am denied every rights as a person. At times when I sunk low and deep, I wished nothing but death to come upon me. It was too great (the urge), to end me indefinitely - to let the world finally know I was here, lived unhappily, and left as a complete loser.
It is at such a difficult time like this that we will know who's who. Fun is shared, hard time is spared. Wearing this hat, I now know who my real friends are. True friends are indeed rare. Even love has long gone, I have stopped believing.
"Look, we were just fucking. How about giving me a chance to breathe?"
Okay, I get it.
Too high the price that I have to pay for this mistake. I can't afford, I'm too exhausted to fight. I have totally gave up my life. Take whatever you want from me, for I have no wish to breathe.
There's no me anymore. I'm officially gone.
