A mysterious photographer...

I met him a couple of weeks ago. We became friends since, and I instantly become a weekly guest to his modest but gorgeous apartment in town.

Last week he showed me his works of art from around the world, places he went that no ordinary people would go (or rather have no chance to go). I was deeply amazed, they were so fantastic and beyond words. Only selected few had been given the chance to see his works, so he told me.

I suddenly asked myself, who actually is this guy? It couldn't be that he is an ordinary someone - judging from his works; yet he is too ordinary to me to be seen as extra-ordinary (from the tales he told, the people he mingles with, he has to be someone quite "known").

He whispered to my ear last week, of how wonderful it would be if we just lay on the beach, the ocean sing us a soft and soothing song, while our naked bodies are covered by the scattered stars in the sky, cuddling each other like we were the last lovers underneath the full, bright moon...

For a moment I forgotten that love lies. Pedulikan! I just want to enjoy this feeling; though mysterious he has been to me, he showered me with the love I have been missing all these while.


+ Sorry, I didn't get your name yet.
- It's Johan. And you?
+ Zhariz. Nice meeting you.

Do you ever realize.....

...that it is so true that letting go is the toughest thing to do?
That whenever you thought that you are okay was the moment that you are actually at your lowest end?

Do you ever realize that most of the time you:
1) blame yourself,
2) are unsure of what is going to happen next,
3) are so scared that you might fall again,
4) etc., etc., etc.?

Do you ever realize that forgiving yourself is the very first step to move on in your very own life?

I do realize all that; I did all that and then did nothing about it.
I am now learning to walk with my head up high (whilst not forgetting the green grass I am stepping my foot on).

Today I learned from someone (distant but close) that it took her more than 20 years to forgive herself and start a new life all over again with current baggage she is carrying. I was stunned. Should I wait for another 20 years to realize my own (favorite) mistakes and start all over again?

But I can not deny (and lie) that I am in love, so deep (and I could not [and do not want to] get myself out of it)...

(Apa yang aku merepek ni....?)
-the result of staying awake all night and think of the "shouldnthinkable"-

It's a new beginning (again)...

Thank God...

Everything turned to be fine (for the moment, at least).

Well-wishers, thank you for your thoughts & prayers. Will make a "special appearance soonest", I hope.

Hot! Hot! Hot!

On a strange land again.
I'm sick, tired, and fed up. I just wanna go home and come back next time with a better 'entourage'.

Till then, sorry I would not trust anyone anymore.