Do you ever realize.....

...that it is so true that letting go is the toughest thing to do?
That whenever you thought that you are okay was the moment that you are actually at your lowest end?

Do you ever realize that most of the time you:
1) blame yourself,
2) are unsure of what is going to happen next,
3) are so scared that you might fall again,
4) etc., etc., etc.?

Do you ever realize that forgiving yourself is the very first step to move on in your very own life?

I do realize all that; I did all that and then did nothing about it.
I am now learning to walk with my head up high (whilst not forgetting the green grass I am stepping my foot on).

Today I learned from someone (distant but close) that it took her more than 20 years to forgive herself and start a new life all over again with current baggage she is carrying. I was stunned. Should I wait for another 20 years to realize my own (favorite) mistakes and start all over again?

But I can not deny (and lie) that I am in love, so deep (and I could not [and do not want to] get myself out of it)...

(Apa yang aku merepek ni....?)
-the result of staying awake all night and think of the "shouldnthinkable"-