I would never forget that particular day, I swear. I could still remember how I felt. I was the happiest man alive, I was the luckiest, I was everything that any happiness could ever be.
2004
I was at Merang jetty, with a whole lot of friends; awaiting to board the ferry to Redang Island when suddenly - out of nowhere, he came to me, patted me on my shoulder. He caught me by huge surprise, for I didn't expect to see him right there - he was with his friends, and I was with mine. It was as if we were meant to be together - what other reasons could there be then for us to meet at a remote state, far from the city center where we lived so close by, under such situation and circumstances. The day and timing seemed to be extremely perfect.
Overjoyed, I didn't want any of my friends to see us like that; so I pulled him aside [I wanted to hold his hands and hug him, actually] and we talked. I told him that 'I hope I would see you again on the island, only us both. Come to the place where I would be staying, we shall cherish moment together'. He reminded me to always keep my mobile phone within reach, so he could ring and find me. Promises were made, I cannot contain my longing for him. I wanted to kiss him right there and then.
I boarded the ferry without him and waited for him on the island. Turned out he stayed on the other side of the island, making it difficult for him to come and find me. Albeit disappointed with the situation, it didn't stop me from expressing my deepest love, longing for him over the refreshing, sea breeze - I was sure he could hear me loud and clear. He dominated my mind all the way... I didn't get to see him on the beautiful island. Alone in the crowd, but in my mind I walked with him on the white sandy beach, holding hands, made love and exchanged passionate kisses under the moonlight...
2010
Six years later, I came back to Merang jetty again, with a smaller, different group this time heading to Lang Tengah Island. The same jetty, same soil, same breeze. Nothing has changed [not even my love for him despite me constantly avoiding whenever I saw him]. I kept looking around, he was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't there to tap me on my shoulder. I was all alone among friends and the crowd, I almost cried knowing he wasn't there for me anymore. I wanted to call out his name, begging him to come back and love me deeply again; I wanted to tell him how much I've been missing him, how deep and true my feelings for him. God, the thought of him was killing me inside.
One night while on the island, I made a one and a half hour boat journey to Redang; I had to revisit her. I had to feel the joy and fun on its sandy beach. The moment I saw the place where I stayed six years earlier, my thoughts ran to him - what is he doing right now, did he remember the promises we made here, did he remember me - someone who he used to call 'adek abang' or 'budak kecik' or 'sayang', did he miss me, was I ever loved by him...? Not wanting the others to see me sad, tears fell on my inside. I deeply missed him beyond words.
But he was no longer there. He moved on. I unfortunately still stuck and left behind. I couldn't move on, I just couldn't stop loving him, I did nothing but ruin myself inside. I love him still!
When I left Merang jetty, I turned my head around to look for him. To see if he would show up to indulge me with another huge surprise - as it was written and fated that we were meant to be together; to tell me that he has been missing me loads; and that I am the love of his life, that I should have no doubts in him. To see if he was standing there from a distant looking at me and giving me the sweetest smile and loving stare.
But of course, he was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't there anymore; he left, long time ago...and I love him more than ever.
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