It's "One More Time"

Nothing I must do, nowhere I should be
No one in my life to answer to but me
No more candlelights, no more purple skies
No one to be near as my heart slowly dies

If I could hold you one more time,
like in the days when you were mine
I'd look at you till I was blind, so you would stay
I'd say a prayer each time you smile
Cradle the moments like a child
I'd stop the world if only I could hold you one more time

I've memorized your face
I know your touch by heart
Still lost in your embrace
I dream of where you are....

It's tough to forget....

I hate to admit that I am still very much surrounded by the memory of my lost love.

I still remember the very first day I saw the face, I was half (only half) like Julius Caesar, "I came, I saw, I conquered" (only that I did not conquer). I was scared but nonetheless determined that I could not care less what other people say.

We met. It was there and then that the door to my closed heart was unlocked and widely reopened. Entered the breeze (not the laundry detergent, mind you!), softly wiped away the fears in me. It was such a warm feeling and so refreshing (like the long-time-ago TV advertisement Salem high country), so much so that I thought I had found what I treasured most in my life.

How I longed to hear the voice of an angel whispering to me that I am doing all right, and this one sweet angel did touch my heart, so soft and deep that I could no longer able to retreat. I simply surrender, after one thing led to another. Never mind the differences, never mind the flaws.

To this sweet little angel I hopelessly devoted,
and the next thing I knew everything was crumbling down.

I loved the angel to my deepest heart. Though the pain is too much for me to take, though we can never be together, I will keep this love safe inside me and take it with me everywhere I go. (Oh,sweet memories...)

Perhaps that is how it should best be....

It's a brand new day...

Wake up from the bed of dreams, sip a cup of coffee.
Walk down the aisle of Garden of Eden, and smell the roses.

In the midst of recovering process, as a self-help attempt, it is always best to self-declare a brand new day. After all, it is a definite no-no to be so sympathetic on these bullshits about failing in love life.

(Honey, trust me, it is not the end of the world and I certainly deserve someone better - that is, provided that I learned my lesson!)

It is sort of pathetic, I once again found, to hopelessly feeling lost in a love that we had lost (which is a bullshit!) while it is actually an unlocked door to a wider opportunity to start a new day, new life and newself. We just have to see the unseen.

It is just like the economy; we enter the business, make profit, experience the state of depression (making loss), wake up and pick up the pieces and voila! We make profit again. (Just make sure that it could cover the "expected losses" when another depression strikes!)

Bad economy!

But then again, I've lived to learn that that is life after all. You win some,you lose some. Find a way to craft a new path, new journey from the broken pieces. With a little extra effort (but never ever push yourself too hard),you will exhale "shoop...shoop...".

So, allow me to bid farewell to the sorrowful yesterday and welcome the brighter tomorrow!

It's your big day...

Through good and bad, you were always there.

A good person like you is what I am blessed with.

Hope that you know how grateful I am for having you coming into my life.

Happy Birthday!

Love loads.

It's over (the pain)

How I wish!

Looking at a brighter side, it's not that bad at all. I had experienced the warmest but painful love (not sure though if I'm going to learn the lesson the next time I fall in love, knowing me...!).

Soon as the sun burned through the fine dawn mist, I'll be over you.

(Once again, how I wish!)

It's all my own fault!

I knew it.

I had seen it coming through my way but I did nothing to even protect myself, let alone to put a stop to it to avoid a severe heartbreak. I blindly let the troubles coming through me instead, and blindly wished that things would naturally changed to what I wanted them to be.

Funny that I thought I could handle the situation while I, in the first place, was actually sitting there in my very own comfort zone merrily watching the fate taking over my happiness out of my way. I didn't have the strong will, the power that I needed most to firmly hold and protect what I treasured most in my life and what I supposed was mine.

And now, struggling alone is myself, facing the fact that I had actually lost in the battle of defending what I believed was mine, mine alone.

I led myself to believe that I am the one, always the only one, forever and ever. In my most conscious mind I foolishly let myself believed that hearts could never change.

How I was wrong....

Now that everything is gone.....

It's a black Monday...

Indeed.

A year has passed and so many things happened within. Wanted and unwanted. Happy and unhappy. Things learned and unlearned. Still here I am, a fool with a single hope that could never fades (yet).

Tragically,I've been waiting consciously for the impossible,dreaming that things will eventually turn to the better and the whole world would be mine at the end of the one fine day. My dreams were dashed,and I got hit badly. And I have no one to blame but me.

Was I too slow or was I too fast? Did I give my best effort or was I simply denied?

I don't want to watch my love come crashing down but I can't lie to my heart. I don't really want the memory hanging around. Not anymore.

In the deepest ocean of woebegone is where I am now. No one to be near as my heart slowly dies.

I fell so deep then I got burned....

It's just me....

ainigma (Greek, English enigma)

definition
- something that baffles understanding and cannot be explained
- a difficult problem