Merang Jetty, a painful memory...

I would never forget that particular day, I swear. I could still remember how I felt. I was the happiest man alive, I was the luckiest, I was everything that any happiness could ever be. 

2004

I was at Merang jetty, with a whole lot of friends; awaiting to board the ferry to Redang Island when suddenly - out of nowhere, he came to me, patted me on my shoulder. He caught me by huge surprise, for I didn't expect to see him right there - he was with his friends, and I was with mine. It was as if we were meant to be together - what other reasons could there be then for us to meet at a remote state, far from the city center where we lived so close by, under such situation and circumstances. The day and timing seemed to be extremely perfect. 

Overjoyed, I didn't want any of my friends to see us like that; so I pulled him aside [I wanted to hold his hands and hug him, actually] and we talked. I told him that 'I hope I would see you again on the island, only us both. Come to the place where I would be staying, we shall cherish moment together'. He reminded me to always keep my mobile phone within reach, so he could ring and find me. Promises were made, I cannot contain my longing for him. I wanted to kiss him right there and then.

I boarded the ferry without him and waited for him on the island. Turned out he stayed on the other side of the island, making it difficult for him to come and find me. Albeit disappointed with the situation, it didn't stop me from expressing my deepest love, longing for him over the refreshing, sea breeze - I was sure he could hear me loud and clear. He dominated my mind all the way... I didn't get to see him on the beautiful island. Alone in the crowd, but in my mind I walked with him on the white sandy beach, holding hands, made love and exchanged passionate kisses under the moonlight... 

2010

Six years later, I came back to Merang jetty again, with a smaller, different group this time heading to Lang Tengah Island. The same jetty, same soil, same breeze. Nothing has changed [not even my love for him despite me constantly avoiding whenever I saw him]. I kept looking around, he was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't there to tap me on my shoulder. I was all alone among friends and the crowd, I almost cried knowing he wasn't there for me anymore. I wanted to call out his name, begging him to come back and love me deeply again; I wanted to tell him how much I've been missing him, how deep and true my feelings for him. God, the thought of him was killing me inside.

One night while on the island, I made a one and a half hour boat journey to Redang; I had to revisit her. I had to feel the joy and fun on its sandy beach. The moment I saw the place where I stayed six years earlier, my thoughts ran to him - what is he doing right now, did he remember the promises we made here, did he remember me - someone who he used to call 'adek abang' or 'budak kecik' or 'sayang', did he miss me, was I ever loved by him...? Not wanting the others to see me sad, tears fell on my inside. I deeply missed him beyond words. 

But he was no longer there. He moved on. I unfortunately still stuck and left behind. I couldn't move on, I just couldn't stop loving him, I did nothing but ruin myself inside. I love him still!

When I left Merang jetty, I turned my head around to look for him. To see if he would show up to indulge me with another huge surprise - as it was written and fated that we were meant to be together; to tell me that he has been missing me loads; and that I am the love of his life, that I should have no doubts in him. To see if he was standing there from a distant looking at me and giving me the sweetest smile and loving stare.

But of course, he was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't there anymore; he left, long time ago...and I love him more than ever.

A year older, none the wiser...

Why? Because I keep on repeating my favourite mistakes despite my ageing. I keep on telling myself to learn and do something about it but yet it fell on a deaf ear.


1. Daydreaming


2. False hope


3. Unwise spending


4. Falling for assholes


5. In love deeply with an asshole


6. A single phone call that caused heartburn and emotional havocks


7. More and more


Ah, I guess I should just wish myself "Happy Birthday, Moron!"

A new beginning....

Well, it is actually a new job function at a new place that I began with today. I turned the offer down few times, but they kept calling me asking me to do something about it. On the final call, Latifah offered me something I couldn't pass on. I knew it is going to be a tough task, but with the opportunity that comes along I had to finally accept it and prove to myself that I can do it. So, today is the day. 

I didn't expect this new place to be so Malay though. I was hoping, by the name and the brand they carry, that they are more systematic, professional and MNC-cultured as they were supposed to be. But I was wronged (again). 

Then again, the paycheck is tempting. So I have to just stay on for awhile before moving to the next available opportunity. After all, how many times such opportunity come knocking on your door...? Hardly.

The devilish me....

I just knew that I couldn't do it. It was just not my cup of tea. So after barely two weeks I left without saying goodbye. I couldn't care less. Sorry! And, good luck in whatever you do!

Oh Ji Ho ... (1)

Saranghamnida ...

 

I'm a runaway slave ...

My favorite Korean drama Chuno has finally made its way out ... brokenheartedly ... I cannot believe I had my eyes teary watching its final episode, really!

After weeks of loyally watching, on numerous disappointing occasions missed the bus when my "tv little princess" snatched the remote controller from my hand and switched to cartoon network, Chuno left me wondering why, again and again, life treats us all unfairly!

Why in the world can't it pull its curtain down on a happy ending note for everybody? Why can't the hero survived the worst and lived happily ever after? Why didn't the goods won over the bads? And why are they so gorgeous and hunky and body beautiful and I am not?  Owh...my heart breaks so badly now!

Hey, could there be a sequel coming soon in which the goods' descendants having sweet revenge onto the bads? Wishful thinking!

Myths that heroes never die did not apply in this drama. I am glad that at least, some people has proved us that precious gems, although extremely rare, are still available in a world of "brainless" people; they managed to put their feet on the ground and bring some sense of reality of life in it, and still enjoyable at the same time. 

That's exactly how it was supposed to end. If you were alone attacked by a dozen of heartless men with extremely sharp shining swords, you were severely wounded, thick black blood dripping from your mouth to the ground, and you hardly could breath, you needed nothing but miracles to be alive. It is way too dramatic to allow the hero to be just another fantasy Gods a-la Hollywood who would even survive suicide bombings in Iraq!

That's the art of Chuno and it is undoubtedly beautiful. It has succeeded in making me drunk and drowned in a sea of unsatisfactory ending. 

On a deep philosophical thought, it reflects the true self of us all; no matter how much life offers us all the desired truth, subconsciously we would turn them all down to stay in denial and hoped for the best when the end is right on the nose. Duh, all of us did that more than twice in our lifetime. Aci kerat jari kalau tak pernah (Aci's finger ya, not mine!)!

Perhaps it was too colorful to let go (I definitely don't want to let go the ancient Korea, the story, the actors, the tanned, hard bods and washboard abs - owhh, pass me the oxy tank right now!!). Until very right this moment I wish there will be at least one more episode, but again, wishful thinking. 

But for now, I am your sex slave. I will run away and hide; and then you - a hot, sex-bomb, good looking, slave hunter with a tanned, damn-hard-to-resist super sexy bod self will hunt me down with your super sharp-edged sword. 


Capture me, let me taste the sensual pain, and do unto me as you wished. You are my master, Oh Ji Ho....

I'm on cloud nine......

It has been a while since the last time I had this beautiful feeling. It is difficult to put it into words, but I think I'm in love with you.

I can't wait for the night to fall, so that we could meet, talk craps, let our hair down, at times serious, very few times romantic, make fun about each other, and just be nobody but ourselves.

Come the time to sleep, we made our promises to hug each other closely, neither one of us would want to let go until the next morning. We kissed good night.  

Sleep tight, don't let the big bed bugs bite... Let it be me! And you giggled, and I love it every time.

When I woke myself up in the middle of the night, I found my lips kissing your hair, down to the back of your ears, your neck and then the back of your body, so softly and tenderly, not wanting to wake you up.

You moaned softly, I love it too.

Last night you were nowhere to be seen. I couldn't help myself from missing you deeply. I wanted to fly and be by your side. You were quiet, I thought you must be tired, or you wanted me to start first. Or perhaps you were with somebody else... Ouch! That's hurt....

Tonight, we met again. I was and still am so happy, my heart was overwhelmed by your presence. You are precious. I think I'm in love with you. I love your brain, your face, your sexy and seductive lips, your smile, your funny self, your tits, your body, your legs, everything! I long to touch you... (oh, why must we be so far apart?)

We made love to each other, but I am unsure how and what do you feel. I really hope you would feel the same, as much as I do. 

I saw you yawning few times. It was already late, you were tired and sleepy. You worked hard, I know. Then you told me that you're off to bed. Oh no, I still want to hold your body...my love for you is insatiable... my heart sighed.

You were still naked. I malas nak ambil baju pakai. You selimutkan I nanti, ok? Iyalah. Minutes later your beautiful big eyes then closed and you fell into what I assumed a deep sleep.

"Can I hug you?" you suddenly surprised me by asking. I looked deep into your eyes and smiled.

"Don't let go..." I replied.

Yes, never let me go...

Ceritera anjing (Dog story) ...

This time around for some apparent reason I have to write in Malay again. 

I encountered Dalam hidup saya telah beberapa kali saya dipertemukan dengan anjing-anjing yang suka menyalak, mengancam untuk menggigit / mencedera.

Malah, sewaktu berumur 5 tahun saya pernah dikejar anjing yang mengidam seplastik air minuman yang saya genggam. Emak pula panik, kerana saya hilang kira-kira 15 minit menyembunyikan diri selepas lari ketakutan.

Apabila dewasa, tak disangka-sangka saya masih tetap terpaksa berdepan dengan masalah anjing gila yang menyalak-nyalak dan mengancam hatta di depan pintu rumah sendiri.

Anjing gila yang tidak tahu dari mana asal-usulnya itu telah pun beberapa kali melakukan kerosakan di rumah saya - menggigit serta memecahkan barang-barang dalam rumah seperti lampu, jag air, kerusi, gelas dan bermacam-macam lagi termasuklah barang-barang sentimental peninggalan arwah suami kakak saya.

Tidak cukup dengan itu, salakannya bertalu-talu seperti meniup sangkakala agar seluruh umat manusia faham apa yang ingin disalakkannya.

Beberapa orang rakan yang pernah terserempak dengan anjing gila itu menyuarakan bahawa mereka tidak sangka langsung yang anjing itu sebenarnya mengalami masalah otak (heh, anjing pun ada mental problem?).

Bagi saya, biarkan saja anjing itu menyalak. Bila penat nanti berhentilah dia. Kalau masih berdegil, laporkan saja kepada tuan punya anjing itu. Biar dilepaskannya anjing itu ke mana-mana ceruk, biar hidup merempat tak bertuan. Atau pun, laporkan kepada majlis perbandaran, layaknya ditembak mati sahaja spesies anjing-anjing gila ini.

Nasib baik saya pula bukannya jenis orang yang suka membela anjing. Menyusahkan hidup sahaja!

Ketawa besar saya! Nasiblah kalau terasa.

Weekend Project 1: Ikea hack...

That picture-less frame painted in faded gold was bought from Ikea few years back. I repainted it to get antique-rustic effect. The plastic board that was supposed to cover its content behind was damaged during transit to my now not-so-new apartment more than a year ago. Since then I went blank, not knowing what to do with it except as a picture-less frame cum art form display.

In my living room I have yet to find the right ceiling light. As I try to be creative, after much magazines flipping, thinking and brainstorming, I finally decided to make my own ceiling light cum chandelier out of this (or perhaps these) cheap picture frame(s). To finish it off, I just need some off-season Christmas ornaments (they are cheap), flea-market find ladies accessories, LED bulbs, some screws, wires, and some skills.

Maybe after that I can sell it. Maybe. Until then, this is going to be my first weekend project. Oh, I'm so excited!

In irritation I found something to smile at....

I have to write this in Malay, if you really, really know what I mean. LOL
(If you can't get it, read this till the end).

Malam ini saya terpaksa menyaksikan ABP buat tahun yang kedua berturut-turut selepas ABP tahun yang lalu. Alasan saya sama seperti di tahun yang lalu juga, kerana menemankan emak yang suka sangat melihat gelagat artis-artis Malaysia buat lawak bodoh...

Persembahan oleh artis-artis yang membuat persembahan pentas sebentar tadi pada saya amat memalukan, sumbang dan langsung tidak menghiburkan. Terkinja-kinja tanpa koreografi yang proper (maaf, saya gagal mengilhamkan perkataannya dalam BM), menyanyi tanpa energy (maaf sekali lagi) dan stamina, tercungap-cungap, penuh dengan kata-kata yang merapu serta meleret-leret, ada yang lupa lirik, dan tak kurang gelagat serta telatah menyerupai monyet Belanda*

*terkinja-kinja seperti monyet, perasan hidung mancung cakap pun pelat Mat Salleh...

Namun, apa yang membuatkan saya amat tertarik ialah sekumpulan adik-adik yang menyampaikan (in stead of menyanyikan) koleksi lagu-lagu hits oleh KRU. Lagu terakhir yang disumbangkan oleh mereka bertajuk Awas, sebuah lagu yang ditujukan kepada gadis-gadis materialistik yang suka menggoda lelaki-lelaki yang pada pendapat mereka "usia tak material walau pun dua kali gandamu". Secara spontan, sebuah nama maha besar industri muzik (benarkah ia satu industri?) tanah air terlintas di benak saya yang kadang-kadang (atau selalunya) amat sinikal dan nakal ini. Siapa lagi kalau bukan DSN...

Sumpah tak tipu, kalaulah saya berada di tempatnya pada saat dan ketika itu, saya akan tarik orang tua itu bangun dari kerusi yang sangat empuk itu lantas mengheretnya keluar dengan segera sambil diiringi perasaan malu yang teramat sangat kerana tak banyak sikit lirik lagu itu tetap terkena tempiasnya di batang hidung saya sendiri! "Aku saman Berita Harian dan adik-adik itu!"
Mmuuuuaaaahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahha....!!!!!

That's all I want to write. Anyway, Kak Ogy tetap rock!!!!!

On a rainy Wednesday afternoon it was a slap in my face...

What's next...?

I've been away for too long.

Last March 15th marked the 3rd anniversary of my service and (un)noticeable contributions to the bank.

Today marks my first day as an unemployed person with lots of commitment to be met.

Yesterday, I walked out of the office celebrated and praised by the Operation Department colleagues (mine was Retail) as one of the good employees they have ever had and worked with. Showered with a farewell dinner party and presents soon after, I didn't manage to contain the mixture of my emotions. But who cares anyway?

My most gratitude went to the person whom I worked very closely to the extent that the relationship went far beyond. We did lots of thing together, going to every corner, back-scrubbing, shouting and neck-stiffing, arguing, and ass-covering each other. I was her most trusted person, the most resourceful and dependable person at any time requested. They can throw anything to me, no matter how petty or complex, they had no worries because they knew the job will be done accordingly and timely. At one time I was even speculated as the next person to replace her seat.

Despite all that, ironically, it brought us to the end of the good relationship. How sad.

Towards the end, I was seen as the left hand who can no longer contribute to the bank's wealth and profit. The things that I did - they no longer have values. My advices which used to be sought after, were of no use any longer. I was wronged, no matter how right I was. There were 3 incidents in which I was held responsible and also be made to compensate monetarily for mistakes done by others, simply because I was the front liner.

Once by the Regional Manager, I was publicly humiliated in front of the other regional peers during one of those regional meetings held prior to my one month notice of resignation. While there were lots of them having the same problem of declining figures, I was the only person being pointed out, questioned and dared to empty my seat for "other people who are more qualified and capable to do this job than you".

Ironically, my last month working was occupied with tonnes of work (which my 3 new colleagues were supposed to work on). I was poured with important tasks and more responsibilities; my immediate boss who had been ignoring me for couple of weeks kept on calling and asking me for assistance and expertise; my views and opinions were installed and again ruled the office.

Yet, on my last day I was denied the much expected credit for all the hard works done and accomplished. Not a simple message saying that she is glad to have me working with her for these years (bear in mind, I was the longest-serving sales personnel for that branch). Not even a simple thank you...

And they cut my final pay to only half (and what does that reflects on their attitude towards the staff, let alone high-achievers?)!

So now I am officially back in the job-seeking market.
Sigh....

On Tanjung Jara....

Upon request (sorry for the long overdue...).

Paradise on earth? Well, not quite.

On broadband.....

Malaysia's broadband really sucks!

MAXIS IS THE WORST!

(Not to mention "Sudah Potong Ka?", absofuckingly wasted!)

I hate Ananda Krishnan!

Work sucks!!

I don't really get it.

Why am I seen as not performing just because the core figure is inconsistent for the past 4 months when I am catching up on other areas which I hardly focused on for the past 2 years? I was alone manning the fort before but now I have 3 more person fairly competing for the figure, isn't it purely natural that my figure becomes inconsistent of late?

Hey, I am the only qualified investment consultant there and look how much I have contributed for the past few months! I am not losing my focus, but I am more diversified. And that is because of their own greediness! So is it my fault?

Furthermore, I am always the person to seek for help and assistance to rectify whatever mistakes done by other people be it internally or externally. My time has always been snatched up by unnecessary disturbances, to the extent that I couldn't finish my job on time. Oh, have I mentioned about their dump-every-complex-cases-to-him-and-keep-the-easiest-ones-for-yourself attitude towards me?

And now, they plan to transfer me to other place due to my non-performing. Bastardo!

Well, they don't know what they're gonna miss. Soon when I leave, they're gonna cry for their loss...!
Because nowhere, and never again will they find another person as good as me! Huh!

Hello 2010, here I come....

Man, another year passed by. The future that lies ahead is still unknown. Then again, I try not to be bothered by anything or anyone. Why worry and risk the fun you can have? Hey, even my dinner today was delivered to my front door! Pemalas!

Anyway...

True it is, what people have been saying, penantian satu penyeksaan. But at the end of the day, I am eternally grateful to the Almighty - that with His blessings, I am richer by 5.25 months. Syukur! Although within the next few hours I am going to be thrown back to the almost poor life that I have always been. Thanks to you, Pendek! And your mom too...

Ahh, whatever! I am extremely tired and sleepy, I wanna sleep like a baby tonight. Enough with these craps.

Happy new year everybody!